Temper Management & Our Lifestyle

I am very thankful to one of my employer for such a wonderful session on temper management in recent days. We heard about anger/temper management in induction at the time of joining any organization or sometimes from family physician. Some of the readers may attended such sessions in past as well. Then why should we attend such sessions after certain period of time? I truly believe that the lifestyle is changing dramatically in developing countries like India where every another year we have to face new challenges hence new personalities. This is the fact that I experienced is if there were four factors impacting our life before decade then now eight factors impacting our life persona. So that it is necessary to learn new techniques to tackle new challenges making us enable to learn additional techniques to manager our temper.

Here is five facts that will help you to understand what factors causes to anger and its effects, mentally as well physically:

1. Anger is secondary emotion:

In the process of becoming angry, there are three mental stages we gone through and those are once behavior, feelings and thoughts respectively. A bad behavior, hurting feelings and thinking about a thoughts will result to anger. So it is recommended to control your behavior FIRST as most of the times once body gesture trigger anger person next to you then comes feeling and thoughts to manage your anger in better way.

2. Uncontrolled anger results to rage

Actually, uncontrolled anger impact either to yourself or person next to you. If you never express your anger then it will damage you internally which will invite number of diseases. If you expressed your anger to the person who makes your angry then it will harm that person.

3. Cause of anger

Insecurity and fear are primary cause of anger. The best example is an innocent student who humiliated in front of class by teacher will feel angry whenever he see that teacher in his lifetime. This anger caused due to fear to express your innocence in front of elder person.

4. Use ‘I’, not ‘You’

You should explain your feelings by keeping your feeling in your mind. Because person that make you angry may not hurt you intentionally. So that always use word ‘I’ instead of blaming next person by using ‘You’. This is the fact that the situation that makes you angry may not make angry to another person.

5. Maintain low voice
Keeping voice low will makes you little comfortable to think about situation which makes you angry. There is very famous quote you may come across – If a person shouts then another listens but if both are shouting then neighbor listens.

Apart from above facts about anger, there are 8 ways to manage your temper:

1. Recognize the trigger

No one makes you angry, anger is your choice. So work on what makes you angry and try to recognize those triggers. This is first step to recognize your trigger point to anger to control it.

2. Focus on breathing

Everyone may experience that when you become angry, we breathe faster than normal breathing. So control your breathing at the time of anger. Again this need lot of practice and patience to exercise to control your breath in such situations.

3. Replace angry thoughts with rational thoughts

Try to replace angry thoughts with rational and good thoughts. You can think that the person next to you is not hurting intentionally but current circumstances forced him to speak hard with you.

4. Forgive and releasing

In line with replacing angry thoughts with rational one, forgiving the person who makes you angry will help you overcome temper. Most of the time at workplace, people do speak hard cause to anger where forgiving such people and focusing on work to be accomplished together will makes you little relax.

5. Solve the problem

Always try to work on analyzing problem that makes you angry and focus on problems to sort those out for better anger management.

6. Better communication

Always do speak or use any medium to contact person who makes you angry and explain what behavior hurt you which result into anger. In most of the cases, angry person hesitate to communicate and creating communication gap widening chances to spread more anger at both the side. 

7. Crack ‘silly jokes’

At work place or meet-up with friends, people do humiliate unintentionally or intentionally to their co-worker or friends throwing them in angry situation. Try to develop skills to crack silly jokes in front of such groups to lower the impact of temper. As well as such acts boost your confidence to overcome such an angry situation with big smiles on every face around you.

8. Relaxation

Anger frequently manifests in the form of muscle tension. Mostly shoulder and neck having little pain at start and you feel stressful. Take a quick break to relax your muscles to feel more comfort before anger harm your body.

At the end, keep in mind that you need whole lot of exercise to manager your temper in line with explained eight factors. Wish you all the very best :)

Common sense is (not) allowed in public service

Common sense is (not) allowed in public service

Disclaimer

All the characters in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to incident or person in this story is purely coincidental.

Here I have two stories which I experienced during recent journey by public transport in two metro cities, Mumbai and Pune respectively.

A story from Mumbai:

I am Mumbaikar, I usually travel by Mumbai's most affordable mode of transport 'Best Bus' to commute between office and home. I hold monthly pass so that my journey is less hectic and give me freedom from exchange of money on daily basis. Otherwise you have to fight verbally with bus conductor to exchange of Rs. 100 or Rs. 50 for ticket of mere less or equal to Rs. 10. For any pass holder it is common sense for him to carry authorize bus pass before getting into the bus and for non-pass holder's, I will say they should have few extra coins in their pocket for exchange purpose, if needed. This is my observation on day-to-day travelling by Best-Bus. Apart from that I would like to highlight an unwritten rule in Best policy is to do not accept Rs. 500 note on the ground of fake currency in circulation and will incure loss to them....agree!

Let us look at what happened with Mr. Mumbaikar on last Tuesday. It's working day and slow moving traffic on Western express way. I caught the bus at bus-stop next my home. As a bus-pass holder, I used to of saying to conductor 'I have Pass with me' and making gesture of putting my hand in my pocket to show my pass, but before taking bus-pass out of card-holder from my wallet, conductor moves to next person, indicating no need to show him. This was happened a day before too. On Tuesday, a conductor was very professional, as I said 'I have pass', he asked me to show it to him. I took out my wallet from pocket and start searching for pass, I never found. So that I started searching in my bag. Meanwhile, conductor said 'Search again and keep your pass ready to validate' and moved ahead to book tickets. I puzzled, I started thinking when did I last shown bus-pass to condsuctor. My co-passengers watching and enjoying this drama.....

Within few minutes conductor come back to me. I was still searching my bus pass and he was looking at me like if I never produce, he will put me behind bar for cheating public servant with non-bailable warrant :)) He threatened me that Ticket Checker can check bus any time on express-way, so either I get down the bus or buy a ticket. During search of bus-pass in my pocket, I noticed that, I hold only Rs. 500 in my wallet. I asked conductor to give me ticket which cost Rs. 10 but I informed him too that I have note of Rs. 500/-. He became furious and said 'This is double trouble for me, you already not holding pass and now asking for exhange of Rs. 500 which we never accept for ticket of mere Rs. 10/-'. Suddenly my 6th sense start thinking the situation and I realize that if I never convince this conductor, then I have to get down the bus where I will not find exchange or I have to walk way back to home.....

I promptly asked conductor to give me ticket by accepting Rs. 500 note and if found fake he can call me on my mobile any time otherwise, I am daily traveler on this route, I will give you money back. As well as I ensured him that I got this note by ATM, so this won't be fake note. These few dialogs work perfectly for me and he agreed to give me ticket. After issuing ticket he told me how BEST authority deduct money from their salary for fake currency they collected. Before getting down at my destination and I firmly said 'Thank You' where he replied with big smile.....Happy ending......

Now, Mumbaikar come back to home after office and start searching for Bus-Pass at home. I tried searching in the pockets of Shirt and Pant I wear on Monday and realize that there is no bus-pass. Finally I checks within the pockets of jeans I wear on Sunday where I found Bus-pass. And flash back come to my mind of how confidently I travelled on Monday by both way of office without ticket and bus pass before getting caught till Tuesday :)

A story from Pune:

Recently, Mumbaikar visited Pune due to personal work where he experienced another incident of common sense shown by public servant. I went to visit a place near to Kharadi called 'Kharadi bypass'. I was waiting for bus at Khadaki bus-depot (this name too similar to Kharadi). Before getting into the bus I ensure for its route with few passanger standing in the queue next to me. I said to conductor give me ticket to Khadaki Bypass instead of 'Kharadi bypass' :) He puzzled and shout at me 'there is no such bus-stop on this route, get down of the bus and catch another'. I again brush my head and said its not Khadaki Bypass, its Kharadi Bypass and tell him there is similarity in name cause to confusion. As I was visiting first time, I asked bus-conductor to inform me once my bus stop come, then he replied 'It's far away, now you can sleep for an hour, let me know once you get up after an hour'. I stumbled by his kind reply.

After few kilometer, I got a call from the person to whom I was going to meet. And when I told him I will get down at Khadaki bypass, sorry Kharadi bypass, he told me to get down at 'Reliance', two more stop next to Kharadi bypass bus-stop. So that, sincere Mumbaikar asked conductor to give him ticket for 2 extra bus-stop next to 'Kharadi Bypass'. Bus conductor replied there is no need of ticket. And when I expressed my concern over ticket checker, he said no need to worry, there will not be any TCs on this route. I relied in him and seat comfortably.

I was waiting for my destination bus stop 'Reliance' with holding ticket till 'Kharadi Bypass' only :) Suddenly, before Kharadi Bypass bus-stop, bus halted a road side where two person posing as Ticket checker entered into the bus and started checking tickets of every passanger in the bus. I looked at conductor. He was busy in doing some paper work with TC. After thorough checking, TC left the bus and bus moved ahead. Due to fear of TC, I offered Rs. 10 to conductor for ticket for next two stop but he replied as earlier and refused to give me ticket and allow traveling without ticket. A thought came to my mind and struck me for a moment, what will happen if TC board the bus before 'Reliance' instead of 'Khadaki Bypass'. 

I get down the bus at Reliance. A question struck my mind will that conductor helped me if I caught without ticket before 'Reliance'. Anyway, conductor shows common sense of not giving ticket for mere two bus-stop but only luck will survive otherwise you should follow rule...it's public service!

Warning: Travelling without ticket is offence and punishable under acts of IPC.